Supporting your child when you are staying in a hospice or hospital

  • Stay in touch

    Whilst being in a hospice or hospital, try to get in touch with your children as much as you can. Use different methods, for example Text or Whatsapp each other; phone them; write letters; video call; draw doodles and send them a photo of it; record voice notes; send them jokes; record you reading them a story. Little, small bits of communication is just as important.

  • Prepare your child

    Prepare your child before they visit you. It is not easy for children to see their parent very sick. Talk to them about some of things they may see, such as changes in skin colour, weight loss and things in the room, such as tubes and machines, and if possible show them photos of how you look. If you are on strong painkillers and drowsy, explain to the children before they visit you.

  • Plan your stay

    It’s important to go over how long you plan to stay, especially with younger children, and explain to them, “We’re only going to stay for ‘x’ amount of time because Mummy needs her rest.” Go over any other hospital rules that you think they’ll need to know (such as leaving the room when hospital staff require it, washing hands and using quiet voices).

  • Be themselves

    Older children may find it hard to talk to their parent and believe that talking about everyday things, e.g. the latest football scores, is hurtful. Assure them that their parent is still interested in the same things they were interested in before.

  • Be child led

    Let your child find their own way of being comfortable in the room. For example, they may want to visit but find it very distressing to look at their parent who is dying. So they might prefer to sit with their back against the bed and chat.

  • Accepting reality

    Know that sometimes if a child sees their parent looking sick, tired and weak, it can help them understand the reality of the situation, and perhaps find it a tiny bit easier to accept what is happening to their parent.

  • Showing emotions

    It’s important to tell children, especially teenagers that tears are OK. Give them permission to cry in the hospital/hospice in front of their sick parent.

  • Take activities

    Children may not wish to stay very long, and may feel awkward or bored. Take activities to do and not be expect them to sit quietly at the bedside.

  • Simply being there

    Older children might find silences difficult but tell them that just being there can be very comforting and calming.

If you don’t want your children to visit you, or your children don’t want to visit, you may want to ask them to make a picture or card, record a message, or write a letter or poem for you.

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