Supporting your child at the end

Allowing your child, if it is something that they wish, to see you towards the end of your life can actually help them understand what is happening.

If you have not yet started talking to them about what is happening, it can be helpful go read these pages together.

Here is a simple guide:

  • Follow your child's lead

    Don’t expect children to keep a vigil at your bedside. Follow your child’s cues about how much time they want to spend with you

  • Connect as much as possible

    Try to still cuddle, play with your child as much as possible, e.g. your child reading to you, watching TV together

  • Allow them to help care for you

    Older children may want to help to care for you, e.g. brushing your hair, moisturising your skin, giving drinks

When death is near

  • Young children do not need to be there but try to make sure they are where they feel the most secure, like at home.

  • Older children and teens might want to be there, if you are OK with this. Make sure an adult they trust is with them, and can help them prepare for what will happen next. It is a really good idea to ask someone from the medical team to describe the next steps.

  • If your child does not want to be involved, that wish should also be respected.

After death

  • 1. Feelings about death

    Remember young children often do not have adult inhibitions surrounding death and you may be taken aback by some of their comments and reactions.

    They are not being rude or unkind. Try not to tell them off.

  • 2. Prepare them

    Prepare the them by talking about how the body might look different (changes in skin tone, texture) and that the body temperature changes.

    Many children believe when someone dies they become a skeleton very quickly.

  • 3. Saying goodbye

    It can be helpful to let the child see the body of their parent before it’s taken away. This gives them a chance to say goodbye.

    Some children may want to write a letter or select a special item to send off with the parent.

  • 4. Different feelings

    At the time of death the child may show a range of emotions like screaming, crying, or laughing. Or they might express their feelings in other ways such as by hitting, shouting, or wanting to be left alone. They need to know that they can deal with it in their own way.

  • 5. Finding happiness

    Parents worry that this experience will destroy their children’s ability to enjoy life in the future, this is rarely the case.

    Most children, with the help of loved ones, learn to be happy again and enjoy their lives after their parent’s death.